You Want to Get It Right—Because You Know What “Wrong” Feels Like
What I’ve Learned About Security, Identity & Grace (the hard but holy way)
When I first got married, I had one mission:
Do. Everything. Right.
Right holiday traditions.
Right meal plans (with labeled containers, of course).
Right Bible reading plan.
Right activities that would check the ‘good Christian’ box.
I wasn’t trying to impress people or rank on Pinterest.
I just wanted peace—a cozy, welcoming space that felt like a hug. I longed for calm, laughter, and a sense of “we’re okay.”
But let’s be real: under that quest for right was a memory of wrong.
I knew what instability felt like.
I grew up in it.
So I got busy building the opposite:
Said yes to every opportunity
Left sticky notes of encouragement on every mirror
Tested 14 chocolate chip cookie recipes until Barbara Bush’s won my heart
But here’s what I didn’t know yet:
You can’t out-decorate or out-organize a deep-rooted fear.
Why We Try So Hard (And Why It’s Not About the Cookies)
Looking back, I can see it with so much more kindness.
My brain—fearfully and wonderfully made—created safety the best way it knew how.
As a teenager home alone most nights, I reached for comfort:
Snacks.
TV.
Distraction.
They gave me something to hold onto. But they also taught me a false equation:
Control = Peace.
Perfection = Safety.
And every Christmas when the house was finally full again?
Everything felt normal. Like joy had come back and brought wholeness with it.
No wonder I still create “little parties”—even for myself.
Because intention, beauty, and presence still whisper: You’re safe here.
How about you? Could your candle collection or charcuterie habit be more than cute?
God Was My Security Then (Even When I Didn’t See It)
Now, 30 years into marriage and motherhood, I see it differently.
What I wanted was stability.
What I needed was security.
And that doesn’t come from perfect routines or alphabetized spice racks.
It comes from a personal, loving Savior.
God was my security then- when I was younger, anxious, and unsure.
He’s still my security now-when life feels like it’s changing faster than I can keep up.
Trying to Prove “I’m Not Her”
There was a season when I worked really hard to prove I wasn’t my mom.
I wanted to be intentional, present, godly, healed.
But here’s what I’ve learned:
You don’t have to prove you’re not someone else.
You just get to become who God made you.
And as I’ve walked the road of forgiveness, I’ve also gained perspective:
My mom had her own story. Her own pain. Her own gifts.
Now, I see her strengths with new eyes—and a softer heart.
(Read more about what to do with past pain here.)
What Actually Matters?
Not the chore chart or the curated aesthetic.
Not the “I’m can do it all” act.
What matters?
The laughter around the dinner table.
The deep convos on a random Tuesday.
The moment someone you love says, “Thanks for listening, I needed that.”
That’s where the grace of God is evident.
Has the Lord used my shortcomings?
Absolutely - that is the beauty of being His. He redeems all things. In my weaknesses, He has been strong.
Every themed party I NEEDED to create, He redeemed into deepened relationships and shared memories.
He’s just super-cool that way.
A Gentle (But Bold) Invitation
If you’ve ever found yourself hustling for emotional safety—doing all the things to feel like you're okay… just know:
You’re not alone. You’re being lovingly invited into a life anchored in grace, not performance.
So exhale, dear one.
You are already fully seen, fully loved, and securely held.
And if you want someone to walk with you as you live into that truth every day? I’m here for that.
Click here to schedule a free discovery call—let’s invite the Holy Spirit into your growth journey and watch what unfolds.
(Also? Need to plan a themed party? I’m your girl.)
I’m cheering you on!
Julie
