When Regret Knocks on Your Door (and What to Do With It)

My Bible study group has been diving into the stories of women in Scripture. This week? Lot’s wife. (Her name isn’t mentioned - maybe she’s secretly glad about that. 😉)

We ended up talking about regret.

Did she regret leaving Sodom? Maybe she had children still there. Or maybe she simply missed her beautiful home and struggled with being sent off into the unknown. Whatever it was, her backward glance told a story: regret has a way of pulling us out of the present moment.

That conversation reminded each of us of the regrets we’ve faced, too.

Just recently, I caught myself in the middle of it. I was standing in my bedroom, folding laundry, while my brain ran the “highlight reel” of things I wished had gone differently. 

You know the kind. That conversation you wish had landed better. The opportunity that slipped by.

For me, it was a phone call I never made. I told myself I was too busy, that I’d catch up later. But “later” never came, and the moment passed.

Weeks later, I realized I had missed my chance to be present for someone I cared deeply about. Cue the knot in my stomach, the what-ifs, and yes, the regret.

Lot’s wife looked back and was frozen in place. And while you and I don’t turn into a pillar of salt when we dwell on regrets (thankfully!), we do risk getting stuck there, and missing what God has for us right now.

How to Recognize Regret (Without Getting Stuck There)

Regret sneaks in as those little whispers: If only I had… or What if I hadn’t…?

It can leave us sad, anxious, or distracted. 

As I coach myself or my precious clients, this is what I ask:

When I think this thought, how am I showing up in the world?

What fruit is being produced if I stay here? 

How do I WANT to show up?

Lot’s wife’s story reminds us what happens when we keep looking back: we miss the chance to move forward.

The Secret About Regret

Alright, now for a surprise twist: feeling regret can actually be useful. (I know!)

1. It shows you what you truly value. (Did Lot’s wife value comfort more than obedience? Ouch)
2. It proves how far you’ve already come. You are being AWARE.
3. It nudges you toward making new choices that align with who you are becoming.

The danger comes from feeling regret is when we camp out there. Living in rewind instead of pressing play on today. And, dear one, you have too much purpose in your life to keep hitting rewind. (Read more about handling the past here)

Five Practical Steps to Take When Regret Shows Up

1. Name It
Dear one, regret loves to swirl in the background like a pop-up ad that won’t go away. You’re trying to focus, but regret keeps flashing across the screen of your mind, interrupting what really matters. 

The second you pause and actually name it out loud, it loses some of its sneaky power. Try it: “I regret not making that call.” Simple, but freeing.

2. Feel It
We can’t heal what we won’t feel. That doesn’t mean drowning in it, it just means noticing it. Maybe it’s a quiet cry in the car, scribbling it out in your journal, or simply saying to God, “Yep, this hurts.” Letting yourself feel is often the first step to letting it go.

3. Extract the Value
Lot’s wife looked back because her heart was stuck on what she left behind. Instead, ask yourself: What does this regret show me about what I truly value? Maybe it’s connection, honesty, or courage. Let that value, not the regret itself, shape your next step.

4. Hand It Over to God
You were never meant to carry the weight of regret forever. Pray it out honestly: “Lord, I give You this regret. Show me how to use the lesson without holding onto the heaviness.” God already knows. He is ready to carry what you don’t need to.

5. Take One Gentle Step
Sometimes regret is just meant to be released, and sometimes it invites you to move. If it does, take one small step. Send the text, make the apology, or choose to rest in His grace and trust His plan. Either way, you walk forward lighter and freer. And who doesn’t want that?!

A Gentle Invitation

Lot’s wife’s story is a cautionary tale, but yours doesn’t have to be. When regret knocks, you don’t have to freeze or get stuck looking back.

Instead, you can let it remind you of what matters, thank it for the lesson, and then place it in God’s hands.

Because you are not defined by your regrets. You are defined by His grace. 

And that means you get to walk into today not as someone who’s “behind,” but as a beloved daughter of God, you are already equipped, already loved.

I’m cheering you on!

Julie

Journaling Prompt:
What regret has been replaying in my mind? What does it reveal about what I value? How can I let that value guide my next step today?

At my dear friend’s house, I awoke early and decided this chilly morning was a perfect time to take my tea and Bible outside at 5:00 a.m. Closed the door and CLICK, I was locked out. Time with Jesus, warm tea, beautiful sunrise. No regret here!